For the past few hours, I’ve been grappling with a thought that came to me - maybe from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius - where he says that we’re supposed to go with the flow of nature. That when we go against nature, we’re doing something wrong. I’m not sure if that’s exactly what he said or where I read it, but it got stuck in my head.
It made me wonder: If going against nature is wrong, then what about all the feelings that are a natural part of us?
I mean, emotions like jealousy, anger, guilt, even the desire for revenge - those come to us naturally which we push away to be a good person. They’re not always learned or taught. Sometimes they just exist inside us, like gasoline waiting for a spark to be set ablaze. So if these feelings are part of our nature, then doesn’t trying to suppress or fight them go against nature?
That messed with my mind a little.
Because I try really hard to be a “good” person. I try not to let those feelings dictate my actions. If someone wrongs me, I try to forgive. If jealousy creeps in, I try to remind myself that everyone’s journey is different. I try to rise above.
But if I’m meant to feel these emotions - if they’re a part of my nature - then am I actually going against my “natural path” by resisting them?
And that opens up the question: What even is “nature”? And more importantly - what is “good”?
We hear all the time that we should “follow nature,” and we equate nature with being pure, good, right. But nature includes both the blooming of flowers and the way animals tear each other apart for survival. Nature is not always kind. And humans - we’re emotional creatures. That is our nature.
Because yes, we are wired to feel jealousy. But we’re also capable of self-awareness, empathy, and restraint.
Still, it leaves me spiraling.
Who decided what’s good and what’s not? Why is kindness “good”? Because it benefits others? Because it feels right? Because it brings peace? Is it just a collective agreement based on what causes less suffering?
And then what even is suffering?