I have always been that type of friend who was in constant need of reassurance as evidence that my relationships were real and not one-sided. I inadvertently made these expectations that people had to meet, and if they did not, it would make me extremely anxious. It's those little things, such as the people I care about unintentionally leaving me on seen, or someone being in a bad mood on a particular day (reasons for which are not related to me), that had the ability to make my heart ache so much. It made me wonder if my feelings were truly rational or if I was just being sensitive.
These days, I’ve noticed that I’ve stopped caring about these things - most of the time, at least - because, as I grew older, I knew that I had to stop expecting myself from other people. Just because I care about something doesn't mean everyone else has to. And no one is obliged to care the same way I do.
I might show up for someone in one way and others might show up in a different way and it does not mean one is less that the other.
That's the beauty of being human: no one is the same, and relationships thrive on this understanding.
I noticed myself slowly starting to ease from my original thought process. Looking at my friends interacting with each other, even when I'm not involved in the conversation, doesn't bring the same state of despair it used to - in fact, it's quite entertaining.
My old fixations and fears of my friends leaving me because I wasn't enough were terribly unwarranted. This brings me to another thing: trust. It's another thing relationships need to survive, and it's a wall that can come crumbling down if insecurity lingers on - because insecurity is not justifiable if your relationship is truly there. And if it still persists, maybe it's not your fault, and it's time to reevaluate.