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The Ever-Changing Heart


Maybe I’m just very observant, or maybe these trends in myself are just so prominent that I couldn’t help but notice them. Whenever I was a kid, I used to have these obsessions. I would think, “Oh my God, I’m going to love this forever and ever. I’ll never stop loving it.” But then, after two months, I would completely forget about it and move on to something new. I noticed this happening multiple times, and it was only recently that I was able to pin it down and realize something important: nothing - at least in me - ever lasts forever. My obsessions never do, because I keep growing, discovering new things, and finding new interests every day.

I can’t make a guarantee about what I will think or feel in the future based on present evidence, because that’s simply insufficient. I will keep discovering, and everything will keep changing. I can’t say with 100% certainty that what I find meaningful now will remain the best thing in my life. Once I realized this, it started holding me back from fully investing in a passion. If I say I enjoy a certain song and listen to it every day, eventually I will get tired of it. The same goes for passions. What if I pour my heart and soul into something and then stop enjoying it? Does that mean all my initial effort was wasted?

I know this is a pessimistic point of view, but it also feels real. It seems bound to happen. Yet, I can’t let that stop me from doing the things I love just because I might stop loving them one day. And then I wonder: does this apply to people too? Will I get tired of someone? Maybe not - people change too, just as I change. Even if both parties grow, it’s often hard to outgrow someone completely. I think one reason relationships don’t work out is that one person grows while the other remains stagnant. The person who is growing can no longer coexist with someone unwilling to grow. The relationships that endure are often those where both individuals continue to grow, relying on and learning from each other.

Returning to my passions, I’ve noticed this struggle in myself. I used to enjoy reading books, but I stopped, and now I’m trying to get back into it. I’m trying to rediscover that love, though I’m not quite there yet. I think this is actually a meaningful topic to write about for my college applications, because it reflects a struggle I’m consciously aware of.

One realization that helps justify this struggle is that songs and shows become boring not because they are inherently meaningless, but because nothing new is added when we consume them repeatedly. But in things we are passionate about - writing, philosophy, or even learning - there is an endless depth to explore. There’s always more to discover. Even in the short time we have in life, there are infinite ideas, experiences, and perspectives we may never encounter. That realization is reason enough to continue pursuing what we love. Even philosophy, for instance, offers endless ideas and ways of thinking; it is never limited to one perspective.

I know this intellectually, but it’s harder to put into practice. There’s a difference between realizing something and acting on it. I know I have issues with who I am, and I know how to address them, but it takes time. Knowing the solution doesn’t instantly fix the problem.

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